News

  • AUSTIN - Times have changed since the days of the first video game systems. Other than simply improving graphics, over the years we've seen plenty of innovation in the control systems especially. The most recent of which is the Wii Fit which uses player movements on a footpad to control the action on screen.

    The Wii Fit follows in the tradition of the Power Pad, Dance Dance Revolution, and Twister, all of which are especially fun when naked. The most interesting element of the Wii Fit is it's companion software tailor made to help one improve one's lifestyle.

    Other than diet tips and exercise training it also includes an asianification module that will create the user to turn into a ripped japanse man. As you can see below in the clearly not-photoshopped-poorly picture of Ralph Meadows of Austin, TX, it really works.

    We asked Ralph about his stunning tranformation from most-likely-homosexual little flabby boy to a ripped japanese man that pounds more fish than a sushi chef, he had this to say "It's amazing, now I survive on just rice balls and creepy named soda drinks" great bonuses in these hard economic times to be sure.

    We also asked him what his favorite game on the Wii Fit was "Easy. Laundry fold-a-thon.". Well said Ralph, you made a good choice. Extremely racist, but a good choice nonetheless.

  • CARLSBAD - Rockstar announced today the first spinoff game from it's mega-hit series Grand Theft Auto. The game is called Granny Theft Auto, and will take place is Boca Raton, Florida. The main character will be Sophia from the most amazing TV series ever made, Golden Girls.

    Rather than running around town and stealing cars, the game's protagonist will sit on the couch and steal the remote from you, hijacking the cable box all day with Matlock marathons. The game is expected to recieve massive amounts of protest from pretty much anyone born after 1965.

  • With all of the top video games these days getting made into movies, it's only a matter of time before Hollywood somehow ruins Left4Dead on the big screen (ok, there are a few decent video game movies, but they are few and far between.)

    Some other sites have covered this same idea, but they're not nearly as fucking insane as we are, so hopefully we can present a cast that will keep you all happy.

  • Washington, D.C. - Since the shocking appointment of Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State, the nation has been on edge waiting for the big Secretary of Commerce announcement. That tension was broken this Wednesday afternoon when Barack Obama finally made a decision.

  • Ozzy Osbourne. The Prince of Darkness. Bit the head off a fuckin' bat. Is now in a World of Warcraft commercial.

    This is big people. We've hit the big time! Gamers have made it! Some of us are officially cool!

    Now of course some would argue that "coolness" is subjective, but those same people would get punched in the face if they said that to Ozzy Osbourne, so they can just shut the hell up and bow down to our Epic Loots of popularity!

  • NEW YORK - Mitsubishi has created a gigantic 50 foot tall Blue Ray disc and placed it in the center of Times Square in New York City. The company had hoped it would be a good publicity stunt to promote their line of custom writeable Blue Ray Discs.

    Unfortunately for the mega-corporation they forgot the fact that nobody would be able to play it. Contrary to common belief, the inability to view the disc did not stem from it's enormous size, but rather the fact that nobody was able to locate a Blue Ray player.

Features

How can I pick up more women?

About Mercedes and this column:
So this traipse into column-self-worship/thinly-veiled-right-to-brag
has been a long time coming. I've only been in existence for 25 years
(and sleeping around/making out for about 11 of them) so I am sure many
of you are wondering what makes me so qualified to be giving anyone

Opinion

South Korea Goes Video Game Crazy!

The Korean news site Chosun Ilbo reports that the South Korean government will spend W350,000,000 (thats 350 billion in South Korean tender for the numerically challenged) on video game development by 2012. So I hope you're all ready to play a bunch of games that don't make any freaking sense.

Comic

November, 23, 2008

Reviews

Guitar Hero: World Tour Song By Song Review

Well, the 4th edition of the Guitar Hero series is upon us and it's rife with already done hackneyed game functions stolen from Rockband, but hey, it's got cymbals!
I'm not going to bore you with my opinion of how much the sensitivity levels of the drums suck, or how awesome it is that you can trick your girlfriend into playing a video game with you. You can read that shit on some other website that actually cares if you're informed. Micah and KT are here to enterain and, of course, educate!

Quick Look

Horoscopes

Hey! Quit it!

Sagittarius
Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
The sign of the Archer is traditionally optimistic, freedom-loving, good-humored and honest. So stop being a dick!