Rock Band Pro Gets Booed Off Stage.

March 4, 2009 by Jack Belmont

GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY AFRICA- It wasn’t too long ago that Guitar Hero hit the market and became an over night success sparking the wave of fake rockstars all over the world. In recent times Harmonix has picked up titles by Guns and Roses, Jimmy Eat World, Snoop Dogg and sold two million copies, proving that gamers are fat and will do anything to sit on a couch.

Rock band continues to add hundreds upon thousands upon billions of songs each minute. So I went searching to find the reason why these games are so popular. Then I found him, the world's greatest Rock band player and his first show with a real band.

It reportedly sounded like shit piss and vomit shot out of your mothers dirty hairy (not the movie) cunt hole. “Only fuck face ass hat fuckers with no balls to pick up a real instrument would play this shitty game.” One angry fan said. “The only way I'd play this game is if you bent me over and drilled me for thirty hours calling my mother a man and having sixteen British guys jerk off all over me while they call me Nancy and made me shit in a bucket while I cried for my mother to come kiss my boo boo and then my dick got cut off and they forced me to play a game with a plastic guitar or watch my first born be slaughtered by Mike Tyson in a boxing match.” Another ruffian said in one long sentence lacking any from of punctuation what so ever.

But why? Why would a man be driven to preform in such a way on stage. “It sounded good in rehearsal” Imar Etard a Islamic exchange student said “I popped in the game, and bam, it flowed like I was slash, then I grabbed a real guitar, and well, it all just fell apart.” I asked if this guitar was strung improper or perhaps faulty “No way, this Les Paul is just practice for the real deal... It doesn’t even have any buttons on it. When I got it I was all a guitar with no buttons? How can I play any songs on it?”

No buttons indeed but the slew of ridiculous plastic guitar fans is rising and they make claims of learning from said pieces of crap. “I learned how to play My heart will go on” Mr. Etard stated “Then I sang it to my girlfriend while playing on my shreadster - thats my guitar’s name.” He then ripped off his shirt and began to sing, playing the guitar with his penis and showing me the color sequence of the song, “What did she say?” I asked “She broke up with me, some pussy with a stratocaster got her after.

He went on “I can nail so many combos, I always get the crowed going, I have a certain energy to me, like I'm a unicorn and I'm ready to cast a spell.” Something tells me combos will be the only thing this poor man nails for a long time.

I’m Jack Belmont saying, I can play fake guitar in front of a fake crowed creating fake talent to play real guitar to cover up for a huge void in my sad miserable life better than you.

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