Category: PC

Konami Has Plans to Torture You.

February 7, 2009 by Jack Belmont

Konami has announced it will pick up movie turned game Saw. It will be created by Zombie Studios, a company that I've found to be run by actual zombies. Like with all half done licensed games with no information on them, this had hit game written all over it and Konami was wise to notice.

EA recession proof; creates another bad company.

February 6, 2009 by Jack Belmont

HELL - In an attempt to make my first news post look good, EA and DICE have announced that they still don’t understand the word irony by announcing Bad Company 2. The first person shooter will be released this winter on the Playstation 3, Xbox 360 and PC.

EA has seen better days after having 1,100 (11% increase) layoffs and yet still lacking the money to make a great game. However, perhaps the company has hope in star title Mass Effect 2. It certainly convinced would be stock holders as EA’s stock has somehow managed to go up two dollars a share.

In other EA news, the company has announced the delay of Dragon Age citing “epic winz”, the delay of Godfather 2 because “the family wasn’t big enough for epic winz” and Sims 3 because “this will never be epic winz”. Why delay a great game when your company is falling apart? That’s why EA makes the tough decisions, because they excel at it.

Blizzard Skips E3 2009; Too Busy Counting Money

February 6, 2009 by myka

IRVINE -Reps for super mogul company Activision Blizzard are reporting that they will skip E3 2009 in it's entirety.

This is a blow to loyal fans of the game makers series Starcraft and Diablo that were hoping for a playable demo for the newest installments of each.

When asked why they were sitting this one out reps offered no comment as they were too busy wading through piles of cash generated by World of Warcraft monthly recurring subscriptions.

We followed up wondering if the company cared that many loyal fans would be dissapointed by the announcement, and while again they declined to comment we are pretty sure we heard the sound of riotous laughter coming through the money vault doors.

Download Free Games - For Money at Amazon.com!

February 3, 2009 by myka

SEATTLE - Amazon has released a beta program allowing for game downloads. (You can find it here.)

They feature all the favorite games you've been playing free online for years, except now you get to pay for them!

Sure sure, theres also some nice discounted stuff in there if you dredge around a bit (like the 3 free games you can find by clicking here.), but for the most part it's a bunch of flash games turned to $10 downloads.

Don't get me wrong, It works seamlessly as you'd expect from a gigantic behemoth of a website like Amazon, but for my $10 I'd rather download somethin from XBOX Live! or Wiiware.

Find any hot games we missed? Hit the comments.


Horoscopes

AQUARIUS
January 20-February 18
Recheck your credit card balance -- if you're close to the limit, now is the time to settle up. There are lots of ways to manage debt like shaking trees and selling the apples that fall out. If you didn't understand this piece of advice, it's because you don't play Animal Crossing, and therefore, are not a complete idiot. Congratulations.

Games Gone Wrong

Opinion

In Depth Report: Square Enix Staggers; Fans Ignore Merger, Blame Each Other.

Unpublished

February 7, 2009 by Jack Belmont

Regarding a picture, try cloud depressed looking, or the Sqeenix logo with a slash in between the two names. I decided to write about the this after reading all the destain in a time like this, we just need to put this all aside and focus on buying while we hope the gov. can fix the rest. That and I was looking to make fun of Final Fantasy 7.

Reviews

Guitar Hero: World Tour Song By Song Review

November 20, 2008 by myka

Well, the 4th edition of the Guitar Hero series is upon us and it's rife with already done hackneyed game functions stolen from Rockband, but hey, it's got cymbals!
I'm not going to bore you with my opinion of how much the sensitivity levels of the drums suck, or how awesome it is that you can trick your girlfriend into playing a video game with you. You can read that shit on some other website that actually cares if you're informed. Micah and KT are here to enterain and, of course, educate!

Features

How can I pick up more women?

February 10, 2008 by myka

About Mercedes and this column:
So this traipse into column-self-worship/thinly-veiled-right-to-brag
has been a long time coming. I've only been in existence for 25 years
(and sleeping around/making out for about 11 of them) so I am sure many
of you are wondering what makes me so qualified to be giving anyone