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  • It’s just another dEA

    MICHIGAN - Today is a new day, we all wake up and go to work, EA games on the other hand puts their name in the paper. EA has announced that they will now make sports gear for children. That’s right you heard it, the company of nerds will now make sports gear. An EA rep has made a press release “We at EAZ LUVS MUNIES! IF U GOTS munies we GOTZ GAMZ!”

  • Metal Gear Creator Honored; Proves Gamer's Short Attention Span

    GameSetWatch.com reports that Hideo Kojima will recieve a lifetime achievement award at the Game Developer's Conference in March.

    Mr. Kojima is just 45 years old. In most industries that would make him a prodigy, where lifetime achievement awards are generally given to people at the end of their careers who have put together a body of work ranging various formats and concepts.

    This once again solidifies the fact that as gamers, we just dont' have any damn patience. Which is ironic, since the game he's so renowned for creating, Metal Gear Solid 4, has the longest freakin' load time in history on the PS3.

    Hopefully, they are honoring his lifetime achievements thus far, and this isn't some veiled attempt to shove him out the door, because I believe he has plenty more to come.

  • Wii Fit Huge; America Huge Too.

    BIZZARO WORLD - Today the market has hit a new low but good news is on the rise, irony is America’s number one export, and export they will. The country with a 34% obese count and over 60% overweight count would have a heart attack laughing if they found out about the high sales of power pad brother Wii Fit. The US Commerce Department announced that Wii Fit is the number one highest selling game this month and one of the five Nintendo games to make the list.

    “This is great news” one Wii fan said as he ate two slices of pizza stacked on one another “I’m gonna do the yoga when I'm done playing WOW, it’ll help circulate my blood, the padding on my chair is getting thin.” I asked him how often he works out hoping to find a correlation between work loads and Wii Fit fans “I walk to the bathroom and things like that a lot.” He said “The doctor said I need to go more to clean out my colon, Mountain Dew and hot pockets aren’t healthy, but get this, I lied about eating hot pockets, I'm really eating lean pockets.” He laughed “That idiot doesn’t even know.

    We’ll bring you more hilariously sad recession gaming news. Until next time, I’m Jack Belmont saying , I love you.

    From: http://www.gamespot.com/news/6204631.html?tag=result;title;4

  • Murder in California: Carbuncle Suspected

    Carbuncle Murder

    JUST IN FROM CALIFORNIA POLICE - A recent Puyo Pop Fever frenzy led to the deaths of a young couple in an apartment strewn with video game boxes. Suspect? Carbuncle, the Puyo Puyo mascot.

    While having an endless-match-to-the-death extravaganza, the boyfriend realized his girlfriend actually knew how to play the puzzle game beyond mere identification of the A B buttons on the controller. Carbuncle became frustrated mitigating pieces Puyo pieces to the players for several hours and went out on a genocide.

    Gamers are asked to be wary of archaic Puyo Puyo games. Sega has mentioned trying to restrain Carbuncle in future releases.

    As a side note, experts on the scene have reported puzzle games to increase girl gamer experience. Go purchase your $7 copy of Puyo Pop Fever and stick it into your Wii this V-Day.

  • Squeenix wants to add on, even if it means Eidos.

    LARA CROFT’S BED - RPG giant Square Enix has announced a take over of Tomb Raider company Eidos. They will also pick up Danish Hitman developer IO Interactive. Eidos bought IOI from EA games shorty after the release of stelar title Freedom Fighters stating “The game was too good to invest in, we need products with lower quality.”

    Square Enix president Sephiroth was quoted on saying “Yeah we bought Eidos, that Laura has great hips, I wish mine where like her’s, but you know me and those mini candy bars. Who doesn’t love dark chocolate nuts? ” I asked about a sequel to bomb and Jeff Gerstmann killer Kane and Lynch “Mmmm mmm” he said “Didn’t they make Kane and Lynch instead of Freedom Fighters 2? Oh no child, you will never see that game again.

    So what will we get from an RPG company who will now make action games? “We’re thinking about making Lara into a man” Sephiroth said with a grin “The whole metro thing, it works well with Final Fantasy”

    We’ll be sure to keep an eye on what this unique merger will bring us. And now, here’s a little Sting to play us out.

    From: http://www.gamespot.com/news/6204564.html?tag=result;title;7

  • EA: A True American Zero

    COBRA ISLAND - Today beloved company Electronic Arts surprised nobody and announced that they would release G.I Joe for Wii, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, PlayStation 2, PSP, DS and various mobile devices. With this game being released on so many formats how can it possibly be great? I had a chance to sit down with he head of EA's global marketing division and find out. (Read about it after the jump)


Features

Top 5 Events You Shouldn't Invite Your WoW Guild To

March 11, 2009 by Micah Bleich

You love your guildmates, well, as much as you can love people you mostly only interact with online anyways, but what if you did see them more off-line? We'd like to help you avoid ruining your life as much as possible, so here is a list of the 5 events you probably shouldn't bring them to.

Image of Dancing Dwarf from WoWguru.com

Your rating: None Average: 6.9 (105 votes)

Top Ten Things You Can Learn By Watching Red Vs. Blue

February 9, 2009 by SSXallnight

Any gamer worth his snuff is familiar with Red Vs. Blue, but not a lot of people realize the educational value of the Halo-based machinima. If you're one of the unfortunates who isn't cool enough to know about the hilarious internet series; here is a list of things you would know if you didn't spend so much time doing your homework or actually showing up on time to your job.

Your rating: None Average: 7.5 (13 votes)

5 Steps To Become A Pretentious Asshole

November 29, 2008 by Micah Bleich

Pretentious Bunny

Sometimes just knowing something isn't enough. To truly appreciate knowledge, one must draw attention mercilessly to themselves. So, Two Bit News is happy to present this top list to sounding like a pretentious asshole, or guide if you prefer deriving from the latin word meaning "full of information" (more on this later!).

Your rating: None Average: 7.4 (29 votes)