It’s just another dEA

February 18, 2009 by Jack Belmont

MICHIGAN - Today is a new day, we all wake up and go to work, EA games on the other hand puts their name in the paper. EA has announced that they will now make sports gear for children. That’s right you heard it, the company of nerds will now make sports gear. An EA rep has made a press release “We at EAZ LUVS MUNIES! IF U GOTS munies we GOTZ GAMZ!”

Unsatisfied with that comment I sought out the head of EA’s global sales and terrorist activities department, reoccuring character, Cobra Commander who told me “We will not only make faulty games but make faulty gear too! Extensive Enterprises has readied the lead paint ” And then paused “You aren’t taping are you?” When I informed him that I was indeed taping he coughed “Well, I meant that we would make faulty gear in the sense that we would make gear that isn’t faulty, but would be viewed faulty by our competition who fear us and the government who fear CO-RBAAA!”

I asked Dr. Mindbender last night about his plans “Each product comes with a small headset to improve performance. NOT brainwash kids to join us” He said as he kissed my neck “You smell great.” He gave the number of the owner of EA Games and told me to call tomorrow.

The next day I decided to call the devil that owns EA games. “Do you have a comment about the sports gear?” I asked Satan “We plan to release the same quality gear as we do games.” He replied “I would never wish anyone to get hurt.”

The gear itself will focus on teaching good form and basic motor skills, things that children who play sports can get from a real person.

I’m Jack Belmont saying EA will make me rich one day.

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