Tuesday, February 20, 2024

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Top 5 Events You Shouldn’t Invite Your WoW Guild To

You love your guildmates, well, as much as you can love people you mostly only interact with online anyways, but what if you did see them more off-line? We’d like to help you avoid ruining your life as much as possible, so here is a list of the 5 events you probably shouldn’t bring them to.

5. Wedding – More specifically, YOUR wedding. While it may be loads of fun to try to hold an interracial Alliance wedding between that sassy cute Night Elf and the ugly but full of character Dwarf that managed to rope her into a virtual relationship on your Realm server, the hilarity doesn’t transcend the fiber optic cables into real life.

Once your guild buddy “Axeroth” starts pretending to be a real life dwarf and doing a Russian Hat Dance ontop of your wedding cake after getting wasted on bubbly and pigs in a blanket the dry cleaning bills begin to add up real fast, and then you’re going to be singing a different tune. Plus, dont’ even get me started on people stealing silverware and centerpieces claiming they’re just stocking up for their Goblin shop in Booty Bay.

4. Baby Shower – Your guildmates are great people. Very nice, and some might even be chock full of social grace….but I can promise you, at least a handful of them ARE NOT.

I can also guarantee you, that at least one of them will swear often around whatever children happen tob e there. Meanwhile, a couple others will get drunk and start making colorful references to certain lady parts and what’s going to happen to them in the delivery room. I refuse to go into detail here, but I think you get the idea.

3. Graduations – Getting your diploma is cool. High fives are cool. Being naked can be cool. However, 5 streaking guild mates running across the stage highfiving each other when your name was called to pickup your diploma in front of you brother, sister, parents and gram gram, is decidedly NOT COOL.

Also, they’ll probably cross out your real name with sharpie and write in “Granitezorz, the Destroyer” or whatever your WoW main character nickname is.

2. The Book Store – Ok, I’ll admit it, the book store is a location, not an event, but it’s still a BAD idea to bring your guildies here. Why? Well. Other than the WoW Atlast they’ll have nothing to read. Sure, they’ll peruse the magazine section for a bit, maybe thumb through a fitness mag hoping to catch a glimpse of a poorly covered nipple, but soon their patience will run out, and you’ll be left with a bunch of people whining that there are no comic books available.

Do yourself a favor and figure out the location of Watchmen right away, that should keep them distracted for a little bit before they realize that graphic novels still have reading involved.

1. Any Sporting Event – They’ll have no idea what’s going on, but they won’t leave it at that. They’ll ask detailed questions about every single rule imaginable. Even ones you’d never heard of yet. In fact, bringing a guildie to a football game is how I discovered it’s apparently illegal for a player to rush into the stand, grab your friend, and impale him on the goalposts.

They’ll go on and on about how much cooler it would be if home plate were covered in spikes, or if basketball officials would give you epic loots everytime you made a 3-pointer.

There you have it. Remember, I’m not bashing WoW players, I happen to have had 6 level 70s most with high PvP ranks, characters before real life got in the way, I’m jus’ saying, theres always a few bad apples that give the rest of us the socially-unaware bad name!

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