Have a question for the master of gamer dating advice? Send it to AskAGirl@twobitnews.com [1]
Dear Mercedes,
I've been single for almost 4 years now, and I'm getting really desperate for some companionship. My friend met his current girlfriend by playing World of Warcraft, but that seems a little weird, even for me. Do you think playing online games is a reasonable way to meet women?
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Your friend got lucky and the odds are against you for several reasons. First, being single for the past 4 years is not the problem; it is the symptom of a much bigger problem. And unfortunately, it would take several months of psychoanalysis, some anti-anxiety meds, and a year's supply of Proactiv to see some long term results. But don't panic because very few people who are actually dating and need this regiment of self-healing actually have gotten it, which means there is hope eternal for all of us little screw-ups to find another little screw-up to nest with and produce more battered and broken pointless lives.
Right. So your second, more workable issue is in your thinking that the answer to your likely problem of isolating yourself and therefore being unable to find companionship is to choose an impersonal interface such as World of Warcraft to meet someone with whom you're going to be able to have a healthy and productive relationship. Listen to this because I swear it will save you and millions of others a ton of time in the internet/gaming dating game: Online (virtual) dating ONLY works for people who have REAL LIFE social skills. Plain and simple. And by 'work' I mean leading to a happy and healthy long-term partnership. Not a hook-up, not a relationship that solely consists of IMs and emails that use J and 'ROFL I <3 U" to express affection, and certainly not one based on lies that will eventually be exposed and leave you back at square one. I don't think I need to explain myself too much more and really want to focus on a here-and-now solution.
If you're in school or have a job, I want you to spend a few weeks observing the social behavior of a guy you really admire. (I want to believe I don't have to tell you to not stalk anyone, but you never know who reads these things on the internets so I'm saying it "DO NOT STALK ANYONE!") Just passively observe and make some mental notes. You are just using this person as a model or inspiration for the time you must ultimately commit to working on opening up and letting people, especially women, see your masculinity and be riveted by it. Girls like boys who make them feel like girls, and not in a demeaning way. Hold doors, let them cut you in line, pull out a chair here and there. Trust me, doing this indiscriminately will help build an image that you treat women well and are charming, and your lack of a girlfriend THEN will seem only a matter of shyness - not social ineptitude. And there are a lot of women who LOVE a shy, mysterious guy. It is the "act as if" principle in living color: work on building an image that people will believe is true because they see it. Then you won't have to go looking for a girl – the one you need will definitely come to you.